Having a conversation with a woman is often one of the things that confounds a man and is a common topic for dating advice. Some questions are a lot harder to answer than others, and some, you may not even want to answer at all. David DeAngelo, author of Double Your Dating, addresses this in his popular eBook. He talks about ways to keep the conversation you have with a woman fresh and interesting, as well as some ways to avoid answering questions that you may not be ready to answer.
David DeAngelo talks about his method of “Cocky Comedy” a lot in his works, and I have to admit that it is pretty damn effective. A quick overview of the way it works is this – if you are having a conversation with a woman, whether you are on a date or trying to pick her up, one of the best ways to create attraction and sexual tension is with Cocky Comedy. What it means is that you basically be a bit of a smart-ass and bust on her, keeping her on her toes and enlivened. You do not compliment her – in fact, you do the opposite (of course not in a mean spirited or rude way!). For instance, if you meet a hot woman in a bar – instead of walking up to her and asking her if you can buy her a drink and saying something stupid like, “You are the hottest woman in this bar”, you walk up to her and ask her if that purse she has doubles as a life preserver, with a smile on your face of course. If she asks you to buy her a drink, tell her SHE can buy you on, then you will see if she is worthy enough for you to return the favor.
These are small things, but if you keep the tone light and cocky, you will have success with them. Another facet to the conversation, however, is when a woman asks you a question you don’t really want to answer. We all know the ones that make us groan, like…
“Are you seeing anyone else right now?”
“Do you love me?”
“Where were you last night, I tried to call you.”
“Why didn’t you call me?”
If you want to deal with these types of questions in dating or relationships with women, one of the best ways is to use what David DeAngelo calls Evasive Action. It goes something like this (Double Your Dating, p 94) …
Say she asks: “Are you seeing other women?”
You answer: “No… other men.”
Get it?
Here’s another one:
She asks: “Do you love me?”
You answer: “Of course… as a friend.”
And another:
She asks: “Where were you last night? I called.”
You answer: “I was home thinking about you… but since you didn’t call early enough, I went out and hired ten strippers.
At first, I figured that this tactic wouldn’t work. But then I tried using it a few times, and behold, it worked in almost every situation.
And if she pushes and asks again: “Cum’mon, seriously…”
You say: “No, seriously. I was home thinking about you… OK, OK, you got me. I really went out with ten other women. Are you happy? What, are you feeling insecure?”
If you keep it up, they’ll give up.
Make sure you don’t act busted or nervous and it will work for you, too. Remember, women can take hints very well, and if they think that there’s an answer that they don’t want to hear, they’ll give up and stop asking.
Well I watched a movie called “Zoo Keeper and in this movie the animals in the zoo talk to the zoo keeper and they are giving him advice on how to get this girl and one of the animals, either the lion or the gorilla told him to insult her without insulting her. And it was basically the same thing you are describing in your dating tips, he turned into a smart ass jerk and ended up not liking himself very much. I don’t know about any other women but when a guy insults me and the tries to make it funny it is not a turn on at all and if he comes across as a smart ass then that is most likely all he is. I’m not sure that this is the best advice out there but if you guys want to give it a try go for it. If you do and it works please lets us all know, but I would also like to know if it doesn’t work.
This seems like good advice. In hindsight, I think I may have unintentionally used similar techniques of light hearted circumvention with persons who were really into me in the past. Perhaps these techniques are more effective than they seem to be. I wonder if the they were into me because I used to do this to them or if that was just mere coincidence. In any case, this is the first time I have read about advice by David for the players. Usually, he is dispensing relationship advice.
i have found the ‘cocky & funny’ approach to be the most effective…although to be fair it is the only approach i’ve ever really tried. i found many of the other dating advice/attracting women gurus to have fairly manipulative advice that i was not in favor of.
i always had the funny part but once i learned how to stick some cocky in there and learned some examples it became almost second nature being able to create my own in conversation. i’ve been dating the same wonderful girl for years and she has told me that a big part of what originally attracted her to me was something she referred to as “nice-mean”. guess it worked : )
I have been on a lot of dates in the past where the guy is asking me a lot of questions that I don’t really want to answer, do you think this would work for a girl as well as it does for the guys? Do guys like smart allelic women or women that poke fun at them trying to be witty or avoid a question? If you have a clue or have heard any testimonies from women doing this and can tell me if it works or not I would greatly appreciate it.
You go dude! I am so going to try this the next time I go out. You don’t ever expect the girls to answer any questions from you though right? Because I have asked questions of girls before and they don’t want to answer them either, so I guess that makes this approach cool. Thanks for the tips man, I’ll let you know how it works.
It truly amazes me, but the fact of the matter is this does work on a lot of women. It is unfortunate that there are so many women out there that think so little of themselves that they don’t mind being treated like a dog, that they think it is cute or funny to have some guy insult them then build them up in the same sentence just so he can get what he wants from them. I knew a guy once that did this exact think to women all the time and I used to tell him how wrong it was and ask him why he treats women that way and he would say “they like it. It is really hard to argue with him about that when the girls he was treating like that would call him all the time. I still don’t think this is the right way to treat a lady and I for one can’t bring myself to do it but I guess if you are that kind of guy, it does work.
This was very interesting, you do realize that putting this information out on a blog will let your secret be known to woman like me. I have experienced this kind of behavior before when I was on a date and I have to say it was entertaining to say the least but buy the end of the evening it was really getting on my nerves. Maybe there should be some tips on knowing when to stop acting that way before you lose the girl by the end of the date. Do you think this method would work for women or would it just look and sound ridiculous coming from a woman? I kind of think it would but I wonder why that is too, such double standards for men and women anymore. Thank you for letting us know where this bit of information came from, I will have to ask the next guy that tries using this on me if he read your book. Give some tips on knowing when to stop acting this way and I think it might work 98% of the time
Again just like the article about being comical and making them laugh to get there attention, there is a fine line you have to walk here and you have to know when you have pushed the comical and cocky to far. Other than that I think this is great advice anything that works is a good idea. I’ll try anything once so I’ll let you know what happens. Any other advice would be most welcome as well, thanks and keep up the good work.
I think this is a great idea to try. And as a woman I can say I think I am going to try it as well because men are sometimes really hard to talk to as well and they can sometimes start asking personal questions that you may not feel comfortable answering on a first date so maybe this will work on them as well. I do agree with that comment about there being a fine line between comical and annoying and I am going to have to watch that myself. I think I am a pretty good judge of character and I can usually read people’s reactions pretty good too so it should be easy to see when what you are doing or saying is getting on their nerves. And that goes for both men and women. Guys pay attention to her face you can see in her eyes when she is getting annoyed by you and unless you want to lose the opportunity you have going then I would say that is your signal to stop with the comical cocky attitude.
I think taking the approach of being funny in a cocky way has proven to work for me, only when I look back at those times when I have done it, I’ve done it unwittingly, but it worked for me, even though I didn’t intend to do it nor was I aware that I was doing it. It just sort of happened for me because of the circumstances and a bit of luck. But I nor anyone else should have to hope for a lucky moment of inspiration to capture a the fancy of the opposite sex. Everyone, not just men, should want to train themselves to be funny so they can harness this skill whenever they need to put someone else at ease or to gain a client’s trust. I think you can put the principles of David DeAngelo to work not just in dating scenarios, but also just to be able to be a humorous person so long as you consider the context of the situation you’re in.
I agree making a woman laugh is a good idea, it is even considered an aphrodisiac in some cultures but knowing when to stop is a good idea as well. It can get kind of annoying when you are trying to be serious because you really think you might like this guy and all he does it make wise cracks all night long, you can’t talk to him, you can’t get him to be serious nothing. Laughing can be a turn on but it can be a turn off just as quickly. Be able to judge when it is appropriate and when it isn’t if you really like her be yourself not some wise cracking jerk, you will see that the even balance will get you miles further with her.
Some of the tips or suggestions in this article seem a bit deceptive, but then again, I guess that old adage is true, all is fair in love and war. And achieving a conquest is a sort of game of wits and other carnal emotions. Chivalry may not be dead, but it sure seems to be on the verge of flat lining. I have seen worse or more deceptive ways to seduce a person or practice infidelity once you have won a person’s heart and trust. I’ve seen guys who are willing to stoop to any level in order to carry out their selfish agendas.
This is just like the article about being comical and making them laugh as a way to get the girl as they call it, but remember girls like to have serious conversations as well. Some women don’t like the class clown so remember there is a fine line you have to walk here. Other than that I think this is great advice anything that works is a good idea. I’ll give this to my buddies and see if they think it would work for them, they seem to have a hard time picking up women. Any other advice I could give them would be most welcome, thanks and keep up the good work.
Well I have found out that it depends on the girl and the conversation they are wanting to have. This cocky comedy technique back fired on me big time. I don’t know if I did it wrong or the girl just wasn’t that into it but it didn’t work. I hope that it works better for some of you other guys out there but I think I will go back to the old fashioned way of uncomfortably trying to answer their questions and talk to them like they are human beings instead of a piece of meat. Thanks for the advice and I regret that it didn’t work for me because it does seem like the easier way to go.
Well as a woman I can say I think I am going to try this method as well because men are sometimes really hard to talk to too and they can sometimes start asking personal questions that you may not feel comfortable answering on a first date so maybe this will work on them as well. I don’t know though do women just look stupid trying to be comical and cocky? I do agree that there is a fine line between comical and annoying and I am going to have to watch that myself. I think I am a pretty good judge of character and I can usually read people’s reactions pretty good too so it should be easy to see when what you are doing or saying is getting on their nerves. And that goes for both men and women. Now that I think about it some more I am going to have to really think about this before I try it, because the more I think about it the less it sounds like something a woman would do. Thanks for sharing this information for men, do you have any advice for women?
In this day and age of mobile communications, you can probably get away with more premeditated forms of conversation. I am referring to text messaging. Most young women actually prefer to carry on conversations via text messaging. One reason may be because it gives both parties ample opportunity to think about their responses. It is a more calculated form or communications. You don’t have to think on your feet,. You can take your time and formulate and compose your message before hitting the send button. This can benefit the player who may not want to divulge answers to certain questions. You can still implement the advice in this article. So if you don’t want to ease the tediousness of text messaging, invest in a cellular phone which has a built in or pull out key board. It speeds up your ability to compose a text message. It’s good to be prepared so when you meet that female that loves to text, you’ll be ready to play her game.
I think this is very interesting to say the least, why do you guys need someone to tell you how to have a conversation with a woman? If that is the case I would think the best way to go would be to be yourself how do you know if this girl really likes you if you aren’t yourself and you avoid any personal question about yourself. I guess if you aren’t looking for a real relationship then this advice will work wonders for you but if you are then this advice stinks. Be yourself first and see what happens.
What is the reason for not answering the questions that the ladies ask, why not? If you are not going to talk to them and answer their questions than I think this is good advice to follow. If you are just looking to have a good time and nothing serious is in your future then I think this is great. Thank you for posting this it answers a lot of my questions about some guys I have encountered.
I am not saying that this is bad but I am saying it is a cop out for sure. Did you ever think that maybe they are asking these questions to get to know you? That maybe they would like a genuine guy rather than some phony that picked them up in a bar. Just consider it please because there maybe girls out there that don’t want to answer your questions either.
Again one of your readers has it figured out, I agree completely with Lulu as far as Chivalry flat lining as we speak. It is a shame the guys will stoop this low and that they are so afraid to answer a simple question or two. What are they afraid of anyway getting to serious with one girl and not being able to play the field anymore? Sometimes men are just pigs.
On your first tip about acting like Joey on “Friends that is ok because he was cute when he said that, but when it comes to turning everything to a sexual innuendo, don’t you think that could potentially get you in a lot of trouble? I would just be careful doing that if I were you with all the crying rape and such going on anymore.
I think it is incredibly interesting that men have such a hard time with this stuff. I find it to be rather easy myself, if I want to strike up a conversation with a chick I just start talking to her like she is one of the guys. I don’t think they like to be singles out because they are a girl, surprisingly they do know about sports. Good article but I think you are trying to hard.
Why do men groan at those questions? The question “are you seeing someone else right now would be a legitimate question and wouldn’t you want to know if she was? The “Do you love me, means that she is a little insecure and you probably haven’t told her in a while so she thought she had to ask. If you do love her then don’t make her ask that question.
I guess a little sarcasm can add humor to any potentially tense situation. And it makes sense that if you don’t shift the mood of the situation into a humorous one, the woman who is hell bent on starting an argument will go with that and try to control the situation by making you into a culprit or guilty party as to her fears and accusations. If you let a woman control the situation, most women will try to get away with everything she can, That may be why David DeAngelo write this article, because he knows that the best players are those who take control of a confrontational situation and disarm a woman’s fears with clever, timely humor.
I agreed with your little tactics here until that last statement about women picking up on hints really well and if the pick up that there is an answer they aren’t going to like that they will stop asking, I don’t think that is true at all, I think that is like spilt mike for a kitten they are all over you then to get the answer. The rest of the article was very good and I will have to try your method soon.
Your dating tips for guys sometimes leave a little to be desired but his one on conversations and avoiding those uncomfortable questions was great. I am going to try this the next date I go out on and see what happens, I hope it turns out as well as you described. I think a lot of times women just don’t understand guys, or maybe they do and that is why they ask us things they know will bother us.
One thing is certain from all the interactions which I have witnessed. Women love confidence and they can be disarmed from their defensiveness with comedy. So it makes sense that David DeAngelo would advise that the two are combined in the form of cocky comedy. The other thing women like is to be intellectually challenged. That may be way in most cases, when a guy who is too nice and too intimidated by a beautiful woman and then tries to compliment her as a way of asking her out, he often gets shot down. I guess in this particular case – in the dating world – nice guys finish last.
This all sounds fine and good dude but do you have anyone that has actually used this technique and been successful? I mean the readers all comment about how great it sounds and that they are going to try it and they might have done that one time by accident, but none of them say yeah it worked great for me and ….. I would just like some confirmation from some that it worked for them.
Why do men find it so difficult to talk to women in the first place? I have never understood that and I see it all the time. My son for example is one of these guys, he trips all over himself if he is trying to talk to a girl that he would like to ask out but if it is a girl he isn’t interested in then he does fine. Can you explain that to me because I don’t get it.
Why do men find it so difficult to talk to women in the first place? I have never understood that and I see it all the time. My son for example is one of these guys, he trips all over himself if he is trying to talk to a girl that he would like to ask out but if it is a girl he isn’t interested in then he does fine. Can you explain that to me because I don’t get it.
Well I didn’t follow this to a “T but I was definitely cocky and a little comical. I went up to the girl setting on a park bench with some friends of hers and I sat down facing away from her and just leaned up against her like she was a back rest. I thought for sure she would get up and let me fall over but she didn’t and that is when I started being comical and making her laugh, we’ve been married now for twenty four years.