How to Make The First Date Not Your Last
About the Author: Miranda Santiago has a degree in Psychology from Boston College and is now a freelance writer who covers dating topics, specifically Latin dating. Apart from writing, Miranda enjoys windsurfing, playing the piano and cheering on her favorite baseball teams.
In today’s age, conversation is quickly becoming a lost art. So many of the things we do have become streamlined, automated, and move so fast that it is often impossible to have more than a two minute conversation with whomever we deal with in our day to day lives.
For example, compare a phone call to texting. A phone conversation, although not face-to-face communication, is verbal, free flowing, and natural. Whereas texting is quick, sporadic, and lacking in all the dynamics of oral communication. Sure there is a place for texting – even in dating, but you can’t let it hinder your “in person” communication skills which a first date is totally dependent upon.
As such, it is no surprise to me that so many people complain of first-date-conversations that limp along like a wounded dog. Now, just because it happens doesn’t mean that it’s okay, and out of all of the women and men that I deal with on a regular basis, between one third and one half tell me that poor conversation (or awkward lack thereof) was a major contributor to the reason that they didn’t go on a second date. So how can you provide better conversation on a first date? Follow the Do’s and Don’ts.
Do Ask Open-Ended Question
One of the first rules to remember about any conversation is that open-ended questions will go ten times as far as closed questions. Essentially, this means that conversations are sparked from questions that require more than a “yes” or “no” answer. Not only will the open-ended question make conversation move much more fluidly, it will make the date seem more like an organic experience than a job interview. Think about it. How many dates have you gone on that have sounded like this:
“Do you like sushi?”
“Yes.”
“Me too.”
Insert awkward silence here while you think of the next thing to say. Keep the questions open-ended for a more enjoyable experience.
Do Respond With Detail
Communication is what first dates are all about. When you say “yes” or “no”, always say why. You can reverse this on your date by asking why when she only says, “yes” or “no”.
This is especially important if your date is not asking open-ended questions themselves. Even the smallest comment can be turned into a conversation if you provide detail in your answer, because conversations are essentially just a web of topics that are moved through fluidly. It doesn’t seem like it, but think about it:
“Do you like sushi?”
“Yes, actually I’m a huge fan of sushi. It’s so exotic, and I love exotic foods. That’s just sort of how I am, always up for trying something new…”
And the conversation flows on. A simple question about whether or not you like sushi can lead to talking about exotic food, which leads to talking about trying exotic things, which leads to talking about personal characteristics—a web of topics. Don’t be long-winded, but utilize the opportunity to drive the conversation and let your date know a little about you.
Do Listen
This is huge. You’re not asking open-ended questions just to watch your date’s mouth open and close, you’re asking them to learn about them and have a good time. I know this one sounds obvious, but I’ve dealt enough with the world of Latin dating as per my profession that I’ve seen this more than you’d think. When you don’t listen to your date while you’re on the date, they don’t feel important and will stop talking altogether—a sure sign of a failed date.
Don’t Use Cheesy Lines
Pull back on being “too cool for your own good.” This isn’t a TV pick-up show you’re in. Natural, relaxed, and “in touch communication” works best!
If there’s anything that makes a date unnatural and awkward, it’s when people force unnatural and not-cute pickup lines on their date. These are usually the types that have watched too many romantic comedies and think that they equate to real life. Don’t fall into this trap, and keep the conversation natural. Compliments can be as simple as “I really like your dress,” or “I’m having a great time”, and are much more effective this way.
Don’t Touch Taboo Topics
This one should speak for itself. Politics, religion, and ex-lovers are the three no-no’s of any first date. Maybe on a later date these topics will come up, but patience is the name of the game when it comes to dating.
Don’t Complain
This is one of those things that too many people do. Sure, you may have had a bad day, but the person that you just met sitting across from you doesn’t need to hear you complain about it for an hour. Even if they seem comfortable with it, you may still be shooting yourself in the foot, as the negative atmosphere that you create can affect your date in subliminal ways.
A first date is like a “first impression.” You only have one chance, so use these tips to help make your first date – not your last! More Dating Tips