QUESTION:
Hi Mate…
From the Land Down-under… I think we’ll just call you “Son of Croc Dundee.”
Here’s an interesting observation, a success story and a question.
The observation.
In the late eighties/ early nineties at the height of the feminist “revolution” in Oz there was a constant refrain from women … “Where have all the men gone?” It was in the media, and women spoke about this ‘ailment’ continually. Well the short answer to this question is that they (the women) had neutered them (the men) … or rather the men had allowed themselves to be neutered.
What you’re doing here is important. Single handed you’re giving men back their self respect.
The success story.
I ran a version of that personal ad. The phone didn’t stop running hot for two weeks. If I had wings I would fly. I might do it anyway.
The question.
Looking back on my two most recent (didn’t work out) relationships that were pre “Son of Croc Dundee” I noticed a pattern. The ‘didn’t work out’ part happened when I was under some pressure and the wimpy part of me emerged.
Now… everyone has problems, and I’m usually strong enough to handle them. However, within the law of the “Son of Croc Dundee” should you never be “weak”? Hard call for a sensitive soul. What’s the balance here?
What say you Maestro?
K.
P.S. AND… to those who haven’t bought the book…Run, jump, fly, swim as fast as you can to that download page. It’ll be the best investment you’ve made since you were 13 and read that copy of Penthouse that you’d found under your Father’s bed.
>>>MY COMMENTS:
You know… you say that back in the late 80s and early 90s women were asking “Where have all the men gone?”… Well, I think that women are saying it more than EVER now.
I’m going to handle this in two parts. First I want to address your initial comments, then I’d like to answer your question. So first, your comments…
One of my best friends told me about a television show he saw that featured a woman who was talking about male/female relationship dynamics.
This woman was basically saying that a lot of men in this day and age were raised by single mothers, and that this has led to more and more men acting like, well, girly-men. And, of course, single women aren’t looking for wussy-girly-men… they’re looking for “real” men.
I personally find this idea very intriguing.
When I watched the movie “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon”…, I saw something very interesting. Part of the plot revolved around a forbidden-love relationship. It’s a common “movie” theme, and it occurs in real life often as well.
Here’s a summary…
In this movie, there was a troubled teenage girl who was arranged to be married by her family. Of course, she didn’t love the guy, and wanted to be free to find a love on her own. As it turned out, she was also secretly a super-duper martial arts bad-ass.
One day, while on a trip through the desert, her entourage was attacked by a group of bandits. The leader of the criminals was a Johnny Depp looking Asian guy. He rode up, stole her fancy hair-comb, and rode off.
Being the feisty girl that she was, she jumped on a horse and rode into the desert after the bad (but cute) boy. They wound up fighting, wrestling and beating the hell out of each other.
The long and the short of it is… he abducted her, tied her up, and hid her away in a cave. And somehow, right in the middle of it all, they began MAKING OUT.
Five years ago I would have watched this whole sequence and said, “Well, it doesn’t make any sense, but it makes for a nice story…”
But now that I understand the illogical nature of attraction and sexual chemistry, I see a totally different picture. When the cute bad-boy took off, and she rode after him and started fighting with him, there were two different levels of communication happening.
On the surface, she was chasing him to get her hair comb back.
But looking at it from a different perspective, and looking at a deeper level, SHE HAD FINALLY MET A MAN WHO WAS AN INTERESTING CHALLENGE… and she responded instantly and powerfully by feeling magnetically attracted to him in a way that caused her to leave her group behind and risk her life.
And the fighting that occurred can be seen as just plain fighting… or, if you understand male-female dynamics, you can also see that on a different level they were FLIRTING. The tension that was building between them was also SEXUAL tension.
She had finally met “a real man”, and she responded powerfully to him.
Not long after they fell for each other, the bad-boy started to say some downright sensitive things (I don’t think he’s read my book). He was telling romantic stories about shooting stars, and he risked his life to be with her again… and confessed his love, etc.
This is a round-about way of addressing your comments and answering your question, but this story helps me to put my answers in perspective.
As far as being “a real man” goes, I think that it’s a good idea. Women respond powerfully to “male-ness”. If it is expressed in a powerful way, it can create an amazing attraction inside of a woman. As you’ve learned by reading my book, there are a lot of simple ways to do this.
To answer your question “Should you ever be weak?”, I say:
Most men act weak ALL THE TIME when they are in the presence of an attractive woman. This is a big problem.
If a woman sees you as a “weak man”, then trying to “be strong” will never work. You will only come across as a weak guy who’s trying to “act strong”.
On the other hand, a guy who is thought of as a “real man”… one who does not act weak during the first several interactions with a woman, can have a “weak moment” later on and actually have a woman respond in a very powerful, positive way.
In other words, if you’re perceived as a “real man”, then you can do whatever you want, and it will be perceived as part of that personality.
But if you are perceived as a “weak man”, then NOTHING you can do will trigger the strong gut- level attraction inside of a woman.
And nothing will change that picture inside of a woman’s head. Once you’re thought of as a weak, nice, ass-kissing guy, it’s like an invisible switch gets switched off inside of a woman. And it’s not coming back on anytime soon.
So, the big question is, how do you project this “real man” image? How do you be yourself while at the same time doing the things that create attraction? How do you act in an authentic way, while amplifying those parts of your personality that are most likely to trigger the attraction mechanism inside of women?
Part of the answer is to realize that just about every communication has several levels of meaning. When you tease, act cocky and funny, and bust a woman’s balls, you could viewed as being a mean jerk. Or, if you do it right you can be viewed as an interesting, sexy man.
This is a critical concept, and you need to understand it if you want to succeed with women.
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Copyright 2008 David DeAngelo Marketing Inc. David DeAngelo and Double Your Dating are trademarks.