This is a selection from the David DeAngelo Mailbag, responses to fans of his product about the “wuss-man”
David “The Man”– First of all, your Advanced CD Series is THE most definitive exhaustive resource on dating ever written. It boggles my mind that nobody ever figured this stuff out before. You are the research scientist that broke the mold of all that bookstore fluff, the Darwin of Dating Tips. I can now approach and get the email of a woman who would have made me shake in my boots just a few months ago. My most recent success was a girl I dated who I turned up the Cocky Comedy to the max, but my old inner wussy made a brief appearance and that was that. Oh well. “Next!” I’ll get better and better. I have improved quite a bit, but I’m looking for some guy friends as you suggest. However, I’m having a problem finding guys who are good with women. I’m not seeing them. All I see everywhere I go are wusses. Any advice? I’ve also thought about finding friends who are students of yours so we can get together for team efforts. Any suggestions here? Thanks again for the incredible impact you’ve had on my life. J.
DAVID DEANGELO’s COMMENTS:
Yeah, I have one thought for you…
This “Everywhere I go all I see is wusses” thing can be a challenge. I shake my head almost every single time I go out, because I think we’re in the middle of a WUSS EPIDEMIC in this country.
Keep looking. It’s worth it.
If you have to, ask friends and associates at work if they know any guys who are really good with women and dating. And remember, be cool. Guys who are good with girls often like to help other guys learn. But don’t be a boat anchor around his neck…
If you do your homework and find some guys who can help you, it will REALLY pay off.
David-
Wussup Man? Well I’m not gonna waste your time or mine telling you about how great your teaching and knowledge is, because we both already know what’s up! I’m a 19 yr old who has downloaded your eBook and I’ve read about the last 20+ emails…I’m learning a lot. But I’m not where I want to be yet.
Well here is what happened. I had lady friend of mine over to the house the other night. Now we have been friends for a little while now and I have tried in the past to pursue this woman but like a lot of males in the world… I would always turn wussy on her. This women is about 5’nothing’, with a beautiful mind and a beautiful body, (she is an 8 or 9 on my scale, and I’m picky.) *the radio is ON* we haven’t talked in a while so we caught up on each others lives…had some laughs with the cocky/funny attitude and I even fixed dinner! Well I told her before I made dinner that when we finished eating she owed me a 30 min. massage. She said okay. Now, we get done eating and she tells me to dim the lights and lay down. She tells me she is going’ to wash her hands and never comes back… SHE LEFT!!!!!!! WHAT HAPPENED?!?!
JF from Texas
DAVID DEANGELO’s COMMENTS:
What happened? You went and spanked your chicken with reckless abandon? You cried yourself to sleep? lol… it’s probably horrible that I’m laughing at your misery, but hey, these things happen. Don’t worry about it, man.
Next time, try making something other than “Hamburger Helper” with rainbow popsicles for dessert. I think you’re gonna live. The problem is that you acted like a WUSSY for so long, that the thought of you being anything more than a friend made her RUN all the way home.
You created your own problem, by trying to make a girl who was convinced that you were a Wuss into something more than a friend. It’s not easy.
Today I met an ex-girlfriend (and now good friend and occasional date) for lunch at an Indian buffet. This is a woman who has commented in the past that she didn’t like my cocky side (either I wasn’t doing it right, or she was lying), so I was looking for a good opportunity to segue into a Cocky & Funny routine and see how it affected her. At one point she complained that the bread was cold, and that I should go get some fresh stuff…
ME: What’s in it for me? (unoriginal line)
HER: I’ll stay and finish lunch at your table. Otherwise, I’ll go get the bread and sit over
there by myself. (great answer!)
ME: Well, that’d be embarrassing.
HER: Yup.
ME: Everyone in
the restaurant would think that you had to move because you’ve got real bad gas.
And it went from there. You could see her eyes getting brighter throughout the conversation, and it ended with:
HER: Wow, you’re feisty today…
ME: Yeah, so…?
HER: So, it’s really… attractive.
ME (laughing): Boy, you’re easy today…
That’s a confession straight from the source: feisty = attractive. And she went on to
demonstrate her attraction after lunch in an unusually aggressive manner. I think everything you’re saying is capital-T Truth, brother.
You know, people assume that Kissinger was talking about political power being the ultimate aphrodisiac, but I think there are many nuances to the word “power”, and you don’t have to be a senator or CEO to exploit it.
Interesting aside: I was discussing this with an insightful female friend, and she agreed with everything you say, and added that women don’t want to be our mothers… and if we treat them like we treat our mothers (i.e., act like a wuss), what does that say?
C.K.
DAVID DEANGELO’s COMMENTS:
Amen, brother. Amen.
Feisty, Sassy, Cheeky, Ballsy… = ATTRACTION.
hey Dave-
Let’s get to the chase. 2 things (first the success story).. I met this single girl who was getting off work…yelled out “HEY!” and she came over to me.. I started talking about anything and everything to get/keep her attention…busting on her and using my best pick up lines and all …she gave me her # after 20 minutes..
But I didn’t call. then I ran into her again in the neighborhood but this time I did the same thing “what’s your # again?” and then finally I wrote it down and scored on the second meeting after coffee.. the stuff works bro
Now for the wuss part. I meet this chick last summer who was in town for her job assignment that lasted for 1 month. She’s a real player. We met again after the party (she called me and said hey I’m coming over) and within 30 minutes she was in my bed in her bra/panties BUT I didn’t do anything because she was complaining about how guys are such dogs. so I didn’t do anything for the next 5 meetings. She said “I’m glad you never did anything because we still wouldn’t be talking if u did”.
Anyway, last time we meet she invites me AND 4 other single guys for dinner. she sits on their laps (just like she did with me) to make me jealous. we have kept in touch for 5 months and next month she’ll be back for a 2 week visit. I have heard she’s talking to 5 other guys in town besides me.
Whenever I confront her on the phone about these guys she says “nooo! I’m not! and I’ve never slept with any of them so ignore the rumors! who do you believe them or me??!” she called me 1 month ago and let my phone ring once, and then when I called her back it was a guys voice (she moved in with her “friend” from high school)
My question is: I told her how I felt about her and she already said she just wants to be friends because she travels around a lot. she’ll be staying with 1 or 2 of these guys she’s talking to when she comes back and will try to make me sooo jealous I know it. She called me last week and actually asked me for one of these guy’s numbers. I got angry and hung up on her (something I would never have done before) and then she called me back and actually seems a lot more interested.
Then I called her yesterday from work and told her that a stripper approached me at a bar and asked me out and then this girl said “oh well why don’t you go out with her then?” but then said “OH by the way I’m coming back on APRIL 21st”.. I want to beat her at her own damn game! but I already gave her so much power. I wish I could just take it all back and make her feel the same way.
HOW DO I HANDLE THIS GIRL:??? SHES DRIVING ME NUTS!!!
CJ
Houston, TX
>>>DAVID DEANGELO’s COMMENTS:
Wow, this is actually a very powerful story.
First, she intimidated you by telling you that “guys are dogs”… which caused you to not try to take things to a physical level.
When you did that, YOU FAILED THE FIRST TEST.
She intimidated you with her words!
Then, the more you pursued her without progressing, the more she tested you. Until she finally started INSULTING you…right in front of a bunch of other guys!
By the way, when you mentioned that after you hung up on her she seemed a lot more interested…it’s probably true. Look, man…. BAIL! Drop it. Hit the road. You screwed up in the beginning by handing over control of the relationship to her, and it’s not worth the trouble or hassle to try to take it back.
She’s probably the type of girl that LOVES to play guys and make them chase her… and who enjoys seeing how much a guy will do to get her…only to leave after he does all he can.
Move on.
But remember the lesson. Steer clear of women like this in the future.
Note: If you’ve read this story, and you can IDENTIFY with this guy who wrote it… and you know what it feels like to want a woman, but be completely OUT OF CONTROL of the situation… then I recommend that you work on your INNER GAME as much as possible. Self Image and Self Esteem are keys in this area, as they help you pass these “tests” that women throw at you… and they help you raise your standards, and avoid unhealthy women.
***QUESTION*** On Being a “Nice Guy”
Here’s a Q for you…I haven’t ordered your CD’s yet or the online eBook, but I’ve been reading your emails and taking in the info slowly, but I’ll definitely do so soon.
On the ideas about being generous….It has always in my nature to be generous of myself unconditionally with most people I like, but I don’t give away my life just for attention or to “buy” people’s friendship, and certainly for a woman’s attention, I have always known that just doesn’t work. I come from a family in which it is natural for us to be generous as a matter of good form, but never beyond the means available. It’s a cultural trait I guess. Being tight and always expecting a reward for everything is neurotic anyways. Problem is between women and I – I have no problem with doing a small favor for a woman just out of what I feel is just decency. But I don’t expect to immediately jump in the sack with her. It’s a paradox for me. Like going to a club and buying some woman a drink, but not expecting anything in return except having a good time and just getting along. Maybe it’s a good way to sort out the user/flaky types from the cool and normal types, doing a small favor and seeing how they react.
I’ve had good results from controlling how much I will give, and sometimes throwing in some humor like this “O.K. one drink ( sly grin he re) but if you start stumbling around I’m not paying your cab fare home!”, This always gets a laugh and loosens up the woman, and keeps me in control (I think) without seeming that I’m a sucker or trying to buy her attention. What is your view on this kind of thing? Oh, another thing I’ll do is _not_ get clingy if I do something like that…in fact I’ve found that if I just walk away and find something to do for a few minutes( talk to a friend or even go to the bathroom or whatever that) right after doing a small favor, and allowing some “breathing space”, that the next time around they get at ease and usually a good conversation usual starts leading to and exchange of digits. Do you think I’m on the right track? or is it too “friendly” (read doomed wuss)?
Thanks C.M.
>>>DAVID DEANGELO’s COMMENTS:
This is a great question.
I think that most of us REALLY want to be “good” to women… we want to do nice things, treat women well, and “take care” of them. I can understand your generosity mindset, and I actually admire you for having an “abundance” mentality.
But I’m going to present you with another way of looking at things… one that might really help you. What if you thought of “generosity” a little differently? What if you were to realize that being “generous” with a woman sometimes means to ACT like you’re being NOT generous at all?
What if you were to see that if you were too “generous” at first, that a woman would SUSPECT that you were only being generous to MANIPULATE her?
It’s not you.
It’s that women are so used to men trying to do things for them in order to get attention and sex in return that they:
1) See this kind of generosity as “average” and expected behavior… and immediately slot you into the “regular, nice guy” category when you do it.
2) Often see generosity as a form of manipulation, whereby a man uses gifts and dinners to set up a situation where the women feels that she needs to “put out” in return. Turn the tables a bit, mention some great online dating sites that you have joined, and make her a little jealous!
Lean back.
Be generous LATER, when it will be perceived to be more authentic and special. It sounds to me like you’re a genuinely good guy. The challenge is getting a woman’s attention for long enough that you can actually SHOW her this side of you, and have it not come across as “ass kissing” behavior.