You Can Overcome Commitment Phobia and Enjoy Your Relationship!

Commitment phobia can be a serious issue when it comes to being in a relationship, but it is something that can be overcome.

We hear a lot about commitment phobia, but is it psychological or just an excuse?  Well, it’s actually both.  Some people actually have psychological issues when it comes to commitment.  Others use it as a way to avoid commitment on their part, but continue to benefit from the commitment of someone else. In this article we will be discussing the psychological aspects of commitment phobia.

Simply stated, commitment phobia is the fear of committing.  Some people may fear committing to decisions in general, while others may fear commitment to a relationship.  There’s more than one reason why a person may fear relationship commitment.  Some may find it difficult to give up their freedom, and others may fear getting too close due to past experiences.

Signs of Commitment Phobia

The signs are different for everyone.  The way a person reacts depends on what type of commitment they fear, why they fear it, their personality, and how they respond. After reviewing a large amount of content identifying signs of commitment phobia, I found there to be a lot of inaccurate information out there.

Some of the most common ways commitment Phoebes react are by:

•          Constantly whining or complaining.

•          Creating an on again-off again relationship.

•          Finding something wrong with anyone that they begin to fall for.

•          Distancing themselves when things begin to get serious.

•          Avoiding making plans.

 

Among the many signs that I read form various articles I found a few to generally be accurate.  Here they are:

•          Becomes emotionally detached.

•          Continuously starts arguments over silly little things, and always blame it on you.

•          Has a habit of making plans, changing them, or backing out of them at the last minute.

•          Distant when it comes to talking about feelings or relationships.

•          Doesn’t want you around their family and friends.

•          Don’t like to talk about future plans with you.

•          Have had several past relationships that were going good, and then suddenly they ended them.

•          Say that they want to spend time with you, but then suddenly change their mind.

•          Choose to date others with busy schedules or who live away.

•          Unpredictable and unreliable in a relationship.

•          Moody when it comes to relationship issues.

•          Don’t like planning ahead.

•          Get frustrated when you mess with or add to their personal things.

Other signs I found that could be true for some commitment phoebes but not others were:

•          Doesn’t want to commit right away. (They may just need to get to know their partner first.)

•          Takes a while to say “I loves you”. (Often is a good sign that they mean it when they do say it.)

•          Moves a lot. (Could be due to financial issues, work, or other things unrelated.)

•          Changes jobs often. (Could be moving up or searching for the right job.)

•          Picky about who they date. (It pays to be a little picky.)

•          Dates people who aren’t compatible. (It takes a while to determine who is compatible.)

•          Has mood changes. (Could be due to other psychological issues.)

•          Charming, and know how to get what they want. (Wow, I’m speechless.)

•          Attractive and successful yet single.  (Maybe that right person still hasn’t been found.)

•          Unfaithful and not truthful.  (Hmm, this sounds more like an excuse…)

•          Play head games.  (A lot of people play head games for a lot of different reasons.)

•          Doesn’t want you at their home, but want to meet at your instead.  (It sounds like they are hiding something.)

•          Had several short relationships. (This may be due to bad luck, it depends on who ended the relationships and why.)

•          Don’t have many processions. (Maybe they have a small place, lost everything, or don’t have much income.)

•          Has a freelance careers or travels frequently for work. (Maybe this is just their ling of work, saying freelancers are commitment phoebes is like saying cats don’t have hair just because a few don’t.)

 

Getting Over It

In order to get over a commitment phobia a person must first recognize that they have it.  Next the cause needs to be determined.  Is it a fear of getting hurt due to past relationships, or past events that occurred during childhood? Is it a fear of decision making? Maybe it’s a fear of losing freedom?  Once the cause is determined, the process of overcoming it can begin.

There are many options for overcoming a phobia including hypnotherapy and anchoring, but the best way to overcome it is through self-help techniques.

Journaling is a great way to gain a better understand of yourself. Write down uncomfortable situations, why they were uncomfortable, feelings they caused, reactions, and alternative reactions. Reflecting on past situations, feelings, and reactions is a great way to learn how to cope with and overcome certain feelings.

Moving on is an important step in overcoming fears resulting from past experiences. Pick the positive things that resulted from the experience and what was learned from the experience.  Learn from the experience but don’t take it to the extreme.  The same thing doesn’t happen every time.  Let the past experiences can make a person stronger person, or they can make a person with fears. Choose to be the stronger person.

A good way to overcome a fear is to face it.  Some fears have to be proven wrong.   The only way to do that is to give things a chance.  You will never know how something might have turned out if you never gave it a chance.  Why continue traumatizing yourself because you fear you might get hurt. It’s not worth it if you are hurting yourself in the process.

Challenge negative thoughts.  Could it really be that bad? What am I really afraid of?  Why am I making myself miserable now to avoid making myself miserable? Maybe it won’t work out, but if it does it would be great!

The Partner’s Role

Having the right partner when trying to overcome a phobia is important because if they aren’t understanding they may make things worse.  It is important that the partner:

•          Not pressure.

•          Give space and not smother.

•          Demonstrate the positive aspects of commitment.

•          Don’t give ultimatums.

•          Is someone trustworthy and open.

•          Is patient.

•          Understands even a person who fears commitment still loves.

 

Conclusion

Commitment phobia doesn’t mean “unable to love”.  It means “fear to commit”.  It’s a fear that can be overcome, and it should be. It isn’t something that occurs in only a certain group of people.  It can happen to anyone. Some attractive successful single people may have it, but online free daters may too.  It doesn’t matter if you are from Australia or Europe, it just depends on who they are as a person and their past.

Today’s article contribution comes from Paul Fredrick who works at Free Dating Sites Australia. See more of Paul’s tips and advices here:   http://www.freedatingaustralia.com.au/brisbane-qld