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Dating Advice For Men – The Gift Guide for the Holidays!

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The holidays are upon us and its time to address the question I get so often from guys – what to give women for gifts.  You don’t want to blow your Christmas by giving her something that says you are an ass!  So read on for some solid dating advice for men on what gifts to give a woman that Carlos Xuma talks about in his blog…

1) What kinds of gifts should be given when a relationship is just starting out if you hope it could be a REAL relationship?

Normally, I recommend that a guy not get a woman a gift for the first few dates.  It says you are needy and that you are trying to buy her affection.  What you should do instead is spend your money on showing her that you are fun and able to have a good time.  I don’t mean go to the movies.  I mean go to a skating rink and have some fun, go bowling, go to the arcade, go to a Christmas parade or something unique where you can both share the experience.  So presents in the early stage of a relationship should be geared toward enriching the experience of your time together, not to influence a girl. Don’t buy flowers and candy until you’ve gotten grounds for some genuine rapport and interest from her, then your gifts will be prized.

After a few dates or so, the man can then start with some inexpensive and NON-EXTRAVAGANT gifts like a card to flowers.  But the idea here is to keep it LOW KEY. It’s a much better practice to under-gift at this time so that you can demonstrate thoughtful caution rather than hasty indiscretion.

Remember: It’s not the money you spend, but the message you send.

2) What types of gifts you should give to demonstrate its just a short-term, hot affair or fling that will go no further?

For a sexy fling, give sexy presents! Some great ideas are coupons for sexual acts or fantasies, lingerie, tasteful, fun toys that you can both enjoy, etc.  Keep it inexpensive but nice.  No jewelry!

3) What if you thought at first she was a casual date, but now want to express that you are a lot more into her? 

This is a great chance for a guy to shine.  Christmas is a great time to show this, or even Valentine’s day, an anniversary, her birthday, whatever.  For this kind of expression when you are dating, take Carlos Xuma’s advice and give the girl something that will make her think of you.  This can be something like a special present from a place you two visited together (glasses, picture frames with a picture of the two of you in it) home décor, etc.

Another great thing that girls love is to get a CD or an MP3 player full of music (specifically, songs that express how you feel).  This makes a woman melt and really will spice up the attraction.

So when you are looking for that perfect gift, keep in mind the message you want to send.  Stay tuned tomorrow for more on gift giving and when NOT to give  a gift to a woman.

Crash Course on Being Funny – Cocky Comedy Tips by David DeAngelo

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Guys wanting dating advice are always asking me how to talk to women and how to keep the attraction going when meeting women or going on a date.  Flat out – one of the best ways to keep a woman interested is to learn how to BE FUNNY.  I always recommend my readers check out David DeAngelo’s Cocky Comedy course, but this article is going to give you seven tips right out of the Double Your Dating eBook on how to be funny.  Trust me, even YOU can do this!

Alright, so what you need to learn is how to use a few things to make quick, witty comments that will amp up her attraction.  I hear you, though, asking me how a smart-assed remark is going to make a woman attracted to you.  Trust me friend – if you want a beautiful woman, you cannot trip all over yourself like a love-sick toady.  You have to show that you are not intimidated by her and that you can take her or leave her.  A great way to do this and to display confidence is through the use of humor – not class clown humor – sharp, witty humor.

Ok, so on to the tips from David DeAngelo….

First –  You remember Joey from Friends?  Remember how Joey made the phrase “Hi – how are you?” into a sexually laden comment?  Well, you need to start doing the same sort of thing by looking for sexual innuendo in every situation and using that to charge her with trying to seduce you before you even really know her. For example, if she says, “Well, it’s getting late, and I think it’s time I head off to bed”, you say, “Bed? Already?  You haven’t even bought me dinner yet!  What would your mother say?”

Second – if someone gives a really emotional response to something, ask them, “How do you REALLY feel about it?” So one thing she could say is “I just HATE it when waiters take too long!” you ask her, “How do you REALLY feel about it?” Your sarcastic comment will bring out the ridiculousness of the heat of the remark compared to the real situation.

Third – and one of my personal favorites -exaggerate. One thing Tyler Durden used to say is “Whatever you are saying you like, say it is the “BEST ____ EVER!!”  Like, “This is the BEST SHIRT EVER!” ina  really emphatic way.  Or you can also really turn it around on a woman when she is fishing for a compliment, and she says something like “This shirt makes my boobs look too big” you can say “Well, I was not going to mention it, but I was thinking about propping a lawn chair under them to keep out of the sun today….”  Beware – you may get a solid punch for that, but its worth it.  (If she hits you, by the way, you ALWAYS smack her ass).  And if she gets violent like that – keep it up!!  You are doing it right!

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The fourth thing you can do is great.  Say, “Anyway” and look away fast after making a wise-ass comment. An example – if someone says, “That guy looks like a total DORK” say, “Oh, I thought he was your twin – anyway” (look away quickly). Looking away is really important, and saying “anyway” let’s you move into another element of the conversation.  Keep your face straight, too, if you can, that always makes it even funnier.

A fifth tip on being funny from David DeAngelo – try to connect things happening around you to current events in a comical way. If a guy with a pale complexion walks by, say, “Check it out – its Edward Cullen!” If a woman starts talking about how she just bought herself a new car, say, “I hope it’s not one of those you can fold up and put in your purse….” (These may be funny now, but in a year or two no one will get them, so be sure to keep up to date on things!)

The sixth tip – always intentionally misinterpret what a woman says.  If you say, “Let’s run over to the pizza shop and grab a bite to eat ” and the girl says, “Let’s do it”, turn to her and say, “Let’s do it? You mean right here? I was hungry, but I can wait if you insist!”

The last tip is – even if you think you are hilarious, TRY not to laugh at your own jokes very often.  If you can maintain a poker face, it will make each of these situations even funnier and increase the tension.

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Dating Tips for Men From David DeAngelo – Conversation Tips and How to Avoid Answering Certain Questions

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Having a conversation with a woman is often one of the things that confounds a man and is a common topic for dating advice.  Some questions are a lot harder to answer than others, and some, you may not even want to answer at all.  David DeAngelo, author of Double Your Dating, addresses this in his popular eBook.  He talks about ways to keep the conversation you have with a woman fresh and interesting, as well as some ways to avoid answering questions that you may not be ready to answer.

David DeAngelo talks about his method of “Cocky Comedy” a lot in his works, and I have to admit that it is pretty damn effective.  A quick overview of the way it works is this – if you are having a conversation with a woman, whether you are on a date or trying to pick her up, one of the best ways to create attraction and sexual tension is with Cocky Comedy.  What it means is that you basically be a bit of a smart-ass and bust on her, keeping her on her toes and enlivened.  You do not compliment her – in fact, you do the opposite (of course not in a mean spirited or rude way!).  For instance, if you meet a hot woman in a bar – instead of walking up to her and asking her if you can buy her a drink and saying something stupid like, “You are the hottest woman in this bar”, you walk up to her and ask her if that purse she has doubles as a life preserver, with a smile on your face of course.  If she asks you to buy her a drink, tell her SHE can buy you on, then you will see if she is worthy enough for you to return the favor.

These are small things, but if you keep the tone light and cocky, you will have success with them.  Another facet to the conversation, however, is when a woman asks you a question you don’t really want to answer.  We all know the ones that make us groan, like…

“Are you seeing anyone else right now?”

“Do you love me?”

“Where were you last night, I tried to call you.”

“Why didn’t you call me?”

If you want to deal with these types of questions in dating or relationships with women, one of the best ways is to use what David DeAngelo calls Evasive Action.  It goes something like this (Double Your Dating, p 94) …

Say she asks: “Are you seeing other women?”

You answer: “No… other men.”

Get it?

Here’s another one:

She asks: “Do you love me?”

You answer: “Of course… as a friend.”

And another:

She asks: “Where were you last night? I called.”

You answer: “I was home thinking about you… but since you didn’t call early enough, I went out and hired ten strippers.

At first, I figured that this tactic wouldn’t work. But then I tried using it a few times, and behold, it worked in almost every situation.

And if she pushes and asks again: “Cum’mon, seriously…”

You say: “No, seriously. I was home thinking about you… OK, OK, you got me. I really went out with ten other women. Are you happy? What, are you feeling insecure?”

If you keep it up, they’ll give up.

Make sure you don’t act busted or nervous and it will work for you, too. Remember, women can take hints very well, and if they think that there’s an answer that they don’t want to hear, they’ll give up and stop asking.

Dating Advice for Men from David DeAngelo – Learn What Women Want or Fail

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In order to be more successful with women and dating, a man must first learn to understand (as best he can) the inner workings of the female mind – what motivates women, what they need and want, how they think and how they feel.  All these things, according to Double Your Dating author David DeAngelo, are critical to creating your own success with women.

One of the first mistakes that men often make in trying to get a girlfriend is that they assume that they know how a woman thinks because they assume that women think similarly to men.  And no – I am not being sarcastic or dogging on women here –  but the truth is that just as our physical bodies are different, our emotional and logical make-up is different as well.

What women want, according to David DeAngelo, may make no sense to us as men at all.  He says in Double Your Dating, “Almost none of what I do to be successful with women makes any sense to me logically, because I’m not a woman. But now that I see that what I do works over and over again, I realize that it doesn’t matter what makes sense.   All that matters is WHAT WORKS” (p 15).

Did you know that it is the female, most of the time, in nature that selects the male?  This is one of the reasons that the alpha male concept developed.  The female selects the male based on a genetic need to create strong, viable offspring that are one step closer to the penultimate of the species (look up Darwin if you want more on that).  And most of the time in the human race, this happens as well.  Women are used to being the ones that choose.

But – what if the tables were turned?  What if you were the one doing the choosing?  Do you think that would give a woman a different experience?  A new feeling?

Maybe it would make you … stand out a little?

Well duh.  Ya.

“Sooooooo…. It’s good to address this issue and point out when talking to women (even if you hint at it and talk about past experiences to make the point) that you are the selector and not the selectee. This kind of thing is very powerful, as it does one of my favorite things: It points out something to the woman that she’s most likely NEVER HEARD FROM A MAN IN HER ENTIFE LIFE. I specialize in saying things that women have never heard. I also like to say things that she’s never heard that MAKE ME DIFFERENT IN A DESIRABLE WAY” (David DeAngelo, Double Your Dating, p 16).

You can even SAY IT to a woman – tell her that you are going to tell her something about herself that no one has ever told her – it will get her attention and interest right up.  And if what you tell her is profound enough – she is going to start to see you as the kind of man she needs to compete for.  (And if you are sitting there thinking “But what do I SAY??” do some research!  Look up interesting facts about the human psyche, the body, the mind – get some KNOWLEDGE on my friend!)

To me, this kind of philosophy is different than what a lot of the “dating gurus” teach.  Many just teach you how to pick up women.  That’s not the point here.   The point is – you probably want a girlfriend, right?  Or maybe eventually a wife or partner in your life?  Well, this is the way to get your foot in the door and start meeting some women and getting some CHOICES.  And by going about it from an intellectual standpoint, you can enrich HER life as well as your own.  That’s a win for both of you.

Here is a GREAT example that David D gives in the Double Your Dating ebook…

One good example is to say to a hot woman who’s acting arrogant, “You don’t have me fooled for a minute, dear.”  When she says, “What are you talking about?”, you say, “Well, I know that most men fall for this ‘I’m beautiful and aloof and I get my way’ part of your personality… but I know something that none of them know… that there’s really another side of you. A side that none of THEM get to see. I’ll bet you a dollar right now that I know something about you that no one who’s only known you for 5 minutes has EVER known… <pause pause pause>… You may act tough, but you’re actually EXTREMELY sensitive on the inside. If someone makes a negative comment to you, you might act like it doesn’t bother you… but you’ll think about it all the way home…I know that secretly you’re as sensitive as a little girl…it’s just that most people never get to meet that part of you…(p 16).

This will throw her off balance and let her know that you are keen and observant, as well as much deeper than most of the dumb jocks throwing back Budweisers at the bar.  But don’t stop there – keep talking to her and drop a bit more knowledge on her and see how she responds.  Chances are she will be chasing YOU by the end of the night.

Double Your Dating eBook

Carlos Xuma on How to Use Facebook to Meet Women in 4 Easy Steps…

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I’ve had quite a few guys ask me about using the latest in social networking to get hooked up meeting women.

Well, it’s actually not that hard, but you have to do it with some understanding of how to play the game. Because there are many ways to do it wrong, and only a few to do it right…

QUESTION ABOUT FACEBOOK:

Carlos, hey man, thanks for all your great advice…

I wanted to ask you about something – how can I use Facebook to meet women online?

I’ve heard that it can be done, but I can’t help thinking it would be weird and creepy to approach some of my friends’ friends like this and ask for a date.

But it seems like a MEGA opportunity to meet women.

How can I work this?

– Allen L., Houston

CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS:

I’ve been eyeing this method to meeting women for some time, and I agree completely. It IS a mega-mega opportunity to meet women…
…if it’s handled right.

First of all, let’s remember the catastrophe that is “Myspace.” (May it rest in peace.) That social network has been so polluted and abused that it’s really not useful anymore. I know I don’t take it seriously.

What happened there?

Well, first of all, everyone got slammed with spam. A few clever programmers and bulk friend programs, and suddenly you had Myspace pages that looked like web sites from the year 1998.

Cheap backgrounds, silly wallpaper, and everybody’s page looked like a 14-year-old girl’s bedroom, complete with Britney Spears posters.

Enter Facebook.

A whole lot classier than its trailer-park cousin, Facebook has maintained a better image. But with a bunch of cool toys and add-ons that made it interesting and more fun.

So how can you work this great social networking tool to help you with your dating life – while not looking like some pervert who got kicked out of the alleys of Myspace?

I’ll give you a very simple 4-step model to use. This is the one that my friends and I have used consistently to get results online.

STEP 1: Connect with the guys – and other women – who have a lot of cute girl friends.

In other words, connect with people that YOU are not interested in dating who have big networks.

You must be very indirect at first using Facebook.

Remember the lesson from Myspace – Don’t be a spammer!

This is not “match.com” or an online dating site, so don’t just start sending out invites and emails hoping to score based on numbers. We’ve come to hate the abusers, and you’ll just get your sorry ass kicked right off.

Start out with light connections. Think “friends first.”

Don’t make your Facebook profile look like you’re trying to meet women. Be subtle.

What you’re trying to do is multiply your results and increase your connection potential by meeting more people who know more people.

If you just start trying to hit on the women you’re interested in right off the bat, you’ll be limiting your results with shortsighted thinking.

Think out to the LONG term. The more cool people you connect with and forge relationships with, the more likely you are to connect with a woman naturally.

STEP 2: Connect with women you are interested in VERY indirectly.

What you have to do is send a simple friend request – and make sure you include a message with it!

You just say something like, “Hey, I saw we’re both friends with Greg… Then I noticed you’re a snowboarder, too… Ever go to Tahoe?”

You see what I did there? I left a question INSIDE my friend request. For her to answer it, she’s going to feel compelled to add me.

It’s also just something people are looking to do. Let’s face it, we all measure our social success by how many people we’ve got as friends on Facebook. We all want a HUGE network, so women will WANT to add you – if only to increase their friend count.

STEP 3: Start leveraging the tools.

Facebook has a huge amount of potential for the guy who wants to take advantage of them. You can add all kinds of cute little applications to send virtual drinks to friends, send goofy gifts, or even start your own polls and surveys.

But one of the best tools you need to be using is the GROUP function on Facebook.

In fact, in preparing for this article, I created the group “Carlos Xuma’s Alpha Lifestyle” to start connecting you guys together and enabling men to share information.

You can do this, too. Just create a group based on your passion and your local area.

I’m going to advise you to avoid starting a group based on “Warcraft” or on the latest hot actress.

Make your group something a woman can relate to and might be interested in. Maybe it’s the television show “Lost…” or maybe it’s about all things Italian.

Ba-da-bing! Now you’ve got a hook to use to invite her into your group.

STEP 4: Start escalating and creating more opportunities.

Remember, this is a VIRTUAL tool. It’s online.

In other words, your connections don’t REALLY exist anywhere except on some server in an air-conditioned room in a data center somewhere.

It’s up to YOU to bring these connections to life with events that you can invite people to.

Most people will stroll around this virtual network, but then never take it into the REAL world. That’s where YOU come in.

Maybe once a month you should organize a happy hour at your local favorite bar. Or maybe you make a Facebook group for wine tasters, and then every other

Friday you meet up and go tasting the latest Pinot Noirs.

THAT is your opportunity to start looking for romantic potential in the groups. You have to remember that you can’t be a Facebook “pickup artist” and try to attract women online.

You have to build a network, forge some connections, and meet women in person to start creating the attraction.

That being said, you can also send out some playful introductions to women you don’t know and see if they bite. (Just make sure your profile has enough interesting bait for them to nibble at…)

Write on people’s walls…
Send a few virtual drinks…
Send some good karma…
Use the “Flirtable” app…

For the man with initiative, the Facebook world is yours.

So step up and start creating the social network, then start meeting the women in it.

By the way, if you’d like to add me as a friend, go look me up. Carlos Xuma on Facebook.com… Get Social!

Carlos Xuma is a well-known expert in the dating-seduction related field and an author of bestselling titles such as “Secrets of the Alpha Male”, “Approach Women – NOW!”, “Alpha Immersion” and “Alpha Man Communication & Persuasion”.